Is Our Democracy Kaput?

Or is this only late stage Demokaputcy?

I’ve noticed some commentators are now taking heart in recent polls showing the public’s bad reaction to Donald Trump’s malevolent policies by showing their good reaction to immigration. It’s a little too late to start holding your noses and grimacing now, fellow doomed Americans incapable of picking your own tomatoes. Because Donald Trump has always been the rampaging circus elephant under the Big Top we see now. The same Big Top that over-inclusive Big-Tent Rat Fink centrist Democrats provided him years ago. And he’s been twirling around center ring spewing explosive diarrhea at gluttonous audiences ever since.

So maybe it’s a bit too early to take heart in the recently woke neural pathways of our fellow brainless maw-gapers. His welcome mat may be wearing thin now, but given the proclivity of human beings to forget important things, like morality and blood-spattered walls and mangled children, his bloating popularity may make a cadaverous rise through the muck of our collective flooded river communities when you least expect it.

Take for instance, a person named Adolf Hitler, one of Trump’s icons. Who according to various not yet incinerated history books, did a lot of really bad stuff in the last century. Cut to decades later and you still can’t even use the term “Führer” at a baby shower without somebody looking at you weird. Thanks a lot, Hitler.

But here’s where there’s still hope for MAGA Trump “Let’s Go Brandon” kill the weak and the poor fans. Americans just do not care about past bad things that happened in the bad past! But they are impressed by fame, comical mustaches and bad hair.

Just a few years ago, the wooden toilet seat Adolf Hitler used at his beloved BerchtesFarten sold at auction for around $20,000. According to leading toilet historians, that’s where he did most of his strongman Faschitzen.

The Site of Hitler’s Final Big Putsch

It was so prized by one American soldier, he looted Die Crapsitzer and mailed it back to New Jersey “poo-stage paid.” Given America’s shameful revisionist past-present-future, one can only wonder how much Donald Trump’s rumored golden toilet will fetch after the upcoming apoopcalypse with Baron in charge.

CAUTION: You are about to read a bullet list of HappyTime Funn Fascist Facts:

• Research psychologists found that Hitler shared the same type of personality disorder as Stalin, Mussolini and most talk-show hosts.

• Hitler once said, “The weak crumble, are slaughtered and are erased from history while the strong, for good or ill, survive. The strong are respected, and alliances are made with the strong, and in the end, peace is made with the strong.” No, wait. That was Bibi Netanyahu.

• In America, it's disrespectful to call someone a war criminal if they have 17 grand children. (SEE: George H.W. Bush).

• Dictators aren’t all work and no fun: Kim Jong-il liked to spend his free time biking between two popular famine areas.

• Despite our differences, Americans have a lot in common with Germany: we vote for fascists and then blame all our problems on Russia.

• After WWII the biggest debate in the Hitler fan club was: “Skinny Hitler or fat Hitler?”

• A lot of people say if they could go back in time they’d kill the baby Hitler. But I’d go back and kill his dad’s boner.

• Two days after marrying Eva Braun, Hitler killed himself. He left this note: “I just couldn’t take all the head games anymore.”

• Eva Braun was so dumb she thought “Gestapo” was the 5th Marx brother.

• Eva Braun was so dumb she thought “sauerkraut” was a nickname for Hitler when he lost at checkers.

• Eva Braun was do dumb she thought “mustard gas” was something Hitler got whenever he ate a bad radish.

• Hitler was a considerate boss. Employees said he always made sure there was fresh cyanide in the bunker water-cooler.

• What was Hitler’s biggest torment during his last days in the bunker? He couldn’t figure out who kept ringing the doorbell.

• Hitler was so cheap, after he tested a cyanide capsule on his dog he shot himself in the head just to get out of paying the vet bill.

• Hitler always had tender memories of his youth: playing sports, flirting with girls, and lying on his back underneath glass coffee tables.

• Hitler had a missing left nut. And one of Stalin’s arms was shorter than the other. Think about it.

• Hitler was very Stalin-esque, but Stalin was at times Hitlerian. Also, Mussolini was never Tojo-jian.

• American Nazis are so dumb they once tried to loot Art Linkletter.

• Praising George Bush for giving a speech criticizing Donald Trump is kind of like giving a thumbs up to Albert Speer for telling Hitler not to flood Holland during the last three days of WWII.

• Around the time of Hitler’s Scheiße Sitzer auction, the German family that owns Krispy Kreme Donuts revealed their ancestors collaborated with the Nazis and profited off slave labor during WWII. So here’s a few tips for your next trip to Krispy Kreme:

  Do not order the Tiger-Tank Tails, Kraut Krullers, or indulge in the overpowering taste of Mein Fritter. Stay away from the Eva Braun-Bons. And whatever you do, do not order the V-2 Rocket Rolls. They’ll kill you. Lotta fat and sodium.

• While working on the Marc Maron radio show in 2006, I deliberately and with malice copiously farted all over Laura Ingraham's executive office chair.

Thank you for your patience. And as always, please use the preceding information wisely.

---

For entrancing collage art and disturbing satirical vocal interpretations of horrible politicians, subscribe to Martha Previte! This time Senator Susan Collins of Maine is very disappointed about getting asked questions.

You might also like my Substack collection of mocking obituaries. Find a shovel and dig into Stephen Miller’s Future Obituary.

And buy my disturbing book of mocking obituaries by clicking on this evil link: